Miscellaneous Archives - Journey Women's Center | Enid, OK

Teen Dating Awareness: Signs and Prevention

Journey Women's Center — Wed, 07 Feb 2024 21:20:53 +0000

Maybe you are a mother of a teenager who has noticed something “off” about your child’s recent behaviors – or that of your teen’s significant other. Maybe you are a teenager who is beginning to feel uneasy about how you have been treated and are wondering if it is “normal.” Maybe you are afraid to say anything about your own relationship or a friend’s; afraid you will be accused of being paranoid, nosy, or jealous.

Adolescence is complex enough as it is, and it is crucial to address the nearly 1 in 3 adolescents in the United States who are victims of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner with teenagers between 16 and 24 being at the highest risk1. It is important to note that teen dating violence is significantly underreported. Many victims are hesitant to come forward due to fear, shame, or lack of awareness about available support.

The repercussions of teen dating violence are associated with adverse mental health outcomes. Victims may experience depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, and substance abuse as a result of the trauma.

Understanding Teen Dating Violence

Teen dating violence refers to the physical, emotional, or sexual abuse that occurs within a romantic or intimate relationship among teenagers. This can manifest in various forms, such as verbal abuse, controlling behaviors, physical violence, or digital abuse through social media platforms. Often, these situations are overlooked or dismissed, perpetuating a cycle of harm. Abusive relationships often involve power and control, where one partner seeks dominance over the other. By identifying signs and patterns, we can intervene early and break the cycle.

Digital dating violence has become increasingly prevalent in this era dominated by technology. Harassment, stalking, and the dissemination of explicit content without consent are forms of abuse that occur online. Keeping an open line of communication and educating teenagers with the knowledge to navigate the digital landscape safely is crucial in preventing these forms of abuse.

Promoting Healthy Relationships

Empathy and awareness also extend to promoting positive and healthy relationships. By emphasizing the importance of communication, mutual respect, and consent, we can empower teenagers to build relationships based on trust and understanding. Teaching conflict resolution skills and encouraging open dialogue can contribute to the creation of a culture that rejects violence.

Schools, parents, and guardians are instrumental in shaping the attitudes and behaviors of young individuals. Implementing comprehensive education programs and having open discussions about consent, boundaries, and respect lays the foundation of developing healthy relationships.

These conversations help create a supportive environment where teens feel empowered to speak out against dating violence. It is essential for adults to actively listen to their teenagers, creating a space where they feel comfortable discussing their relationships without fear of judgment.

Warning Signs of Teen Dating Violence

These are common warning signs of abusive relationships. Not all of them must be present for someone to be in a violent relationship.

Excessive jealousy

A partner may begin displaying intense jealousy, attempting to control the other’s interactions with friends and family, or becoming upset when the victim spends time away from them.

Isolation

The abuser may attempt to isolate the victim from friends and family, making it difficult for them to maintain healthy relationships outside of the romantic partnership.

Verbal and/or Emotional Abuse

Constant criticism, humiliation and verbal insults can be warning signs. Emotional manipulation, guilt-tripping, or playing mind games are also red flags.

Physical Violence

Any form of physical aggression including hitting, slapping or pushing is a clear indication of an unhealthy and potentially dangerous relationship.

Controlling Partner

A controlling partner may try to dictate where their victim goes, what they wear, and/or who they spend time with. Monitoring the victim’s activities through texts or social media is another warning sign.

Changes in Behavior

Sudden changes in behavior, such as withdrawal from social activities, declining academic performance, or drastic mood swings, may be indicative of an abusive relationship.

Other warning signs include unwanted sexual advances, being controlling of money, become fearful of their partner, or threats of violence may indicate an abusive or potentially abusive relationship.

Teen dating violence is a pervasive issue that often remains shrouded in silence.

As friends, parents, guardians, co-workers, and religious leaders, we can foster empathy and awareness to create a safer and more supportive environment for young individuals.

It is through collective efforts that we can dismantle the barriers that perpetuate teen dating violence, paving the way for a future marked by understanding and compassion. If you, or someone you know, may be experiencing teen dating violence, tell someone.

1 The National Survey on Teen Relationships and Intimate Violence (STRiV). (2016).
Journal of Interpersonal Violence. (2017). Teen Dating Violence (Physical and Sexual) Among US High School Students

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Understanding Post-Abortion Stress Syndrome: Unveiling the Struggle

Journey Women's Center — Fri, 08 Sep 2023 15:36:10 +0000

Every woman’s experience with abortion is unique, but terminating a pregnancy can be an incredibly painful and isolating experience. Although many women experience a sense of relief following their abortion(s), there are others who silently battle with long-lasting effects, like depression, anxiety, or trauma-related symptoms. These effects can persist for weeks, months, or even years.1

Ongoing disagreement exists within the mental health community on whether to recognize post-abortion stress syndrome (PASS) as a formal diagnosis, a condition believed to be related to PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). “Any event that causes trauma can indeed result in PTSD, and abortion is no exception,” writes Dr. Susanne Babbel.2

A 2017 study revealed that 67% of post-abortive women sought mental health services3, yet they may not connect their diagnosis to their past abortions nor discuss it with their counselors or therapists. Despite debates among experts and society’s minimization of its significance, women still grapple with the challenges stemming from their decisions.

This struggle continues even for those who believed they had no choice or dismissed it as a simple pill. Women experiencing post-abortion effects often feel the need to suppress or ignore their symptoms because they are told it’s not a real problem. Consequently, feelings of isolation intensify, leaving women who have undergone abortions burdened with the heaviness of their pain and grief.

Client abortion pill experience

“Can you tell me about your abortion experience?” I listened as a client shared her story. She talked about the events leading up to her decision, how she stayed determined even with mixed feelings, shared details about the abortion itself, and the fog of the days that followed. She had brushed past the tiniest detail and I almost missed it.

“Can we go back just a moment?” I asked. Her baby was the size of a pea, but she had gently scooped it up and held it in her hands.4 Her baby. She began to cry as she explained the anguish of that moment, overwhelmed and unsure what to do. Flushing it down the toilet seemed so insensitive, so wrong. She had no idea she would feel this way.

We believe that trauma following an abortion is real

It can have a profound impact on you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Trauma is not the same as stress. It happens when you are left alone to confront something that completely overwhelms your entire being. In his book, The Body Keeps the Score, Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk explores how trauma affects the body. He emphasizes that trauma is not just something that happened in the past; it leaves a mark on the mind, brain, and body, and continues to affect a person’s ability to cope in the present.

He writes, “Being traumatized is not just an issue of being stuck in the past; it is just as much a problem of not being fully alive in the present.” Even though the event itself is over, your body continues to relive it as though it is happening in the present moment: “Her body felt the sadness that her mind could not register.”5

The journey to recovery is found in relationship. “Trauma steals our tongues,” writes trauma-informed therapist K.J. Ramsey. “Silencing ourselves is part of how we survive in a community, system, relationship, or situation where our attempts to seek safety are shamed or shut down.”6

Silence creates isolation

But there is power in the healing process. As you join with a caring and trustworthy community, where you are able to feel safe and supported, healing can begin. Others bear witness to your story, and as you find a safe space to process your pain and grief.

Post-Abortion Support Group in Enid, OK

Journey Women’s Center offers a recovery program that is completely confidential and free. Led by women who have found healing after their abortions, this small group offers compassionate support, a safe space to process, and the tools for recovery. Participants are surrounded by a community of women who are also on a journey toward hope and healing.
Learn more about our post abortion support group here.

We recognize that the impact of an abortion differs from person to person. If you have been facing persistent emotional, physical, mental, or spiritual challenges following your abortion, it is possible that you are dealing with post-abortion stress syndrome. Our goal is to offer the help and support you need. Reach out to us today and become part of a supportive community committed to healing. Take your first step towards hope and healing.

Signs of Post-Abortion Stress Syndrome

SIGNS OF POST-ABORTION STRESS SYNDROME7
Please note: The following questionnaire is not a substitute for professional assessment or diagnosis. It is designed to help in self-reflection and identify potential signs of post-abortion stress syndrome.

Are you able to share your abortion experience with others?
Do you avoid discussions, people, or situations that remind you of the abortion?
Do you anticipate negative things happening as a result of your decision?
Do you engage in self-harming behaviors or attitudes?
Do you feel like your relationships with men are unhealthy or toxic?
Do you feel like your relationships/friendships with women lack depth or authenticity?
Do you experience flashbacks or triggers related to the location of your abortion? (bathroom, shower, toilet)
Are you experiencing symptoms of depression such as decreased motivation, emotional numbness, or loss of interest in activities that used to bring you joy?
Do you feel anxious, regret, or anger around other babies or women who are pregnant?
Do you experience anxiety in your body around the anniversary of your abortion?
Do you feel alone with your emotional pain?

1H3Helpline. (2022b, September 6). Post Abortion Stress Syndrome. H3Helpline – After Abortion Helpline. https://h3helpline.org/help-after-abortion/post-abortion-stress-syndrome/

2Babbel, S. (2018). Post Abortion Stress Syndrome (PASS) – Does It Exist? — Dr. Susanne Babbel. Dr. Susanne Babbel. https://www.drbabbel.com/blog/post-abortion-stress-syndrome-exist

3Coleman, P. K., Boswell, K., Etzkorn, K., & Turnwald, R. (Winter 2017). Women Who Suffered Emotionally from Abortion: A Qualitative Synthesis of Their Experiences. Journal of American Physicians and Surgeons, 22(4).

4H3Helpline. (2022). As Easy As Swallowing A Pill. H3Helpline – After Abortion Helpline. https://h3helpline.org/as-easy-as-swallowing-a-pill/

5Kolk, V. D., & Bessel, A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. https://ci.nii.ac.jp/ncid/BB19708339

6Ramsey, K. (2022). The Lord Is My Courage: Stepping Through the Shadows of Fear Toward the Voice of Love. Zondervan.

7H3Helpline. (2022, September 6). Post-Abortion Symptoms Questionnaire. H3Helpline – After Abortion Helpline. https://h3helpline.org/help-after-abortion/post-abortion-symptoms-questionnaire/

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4 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

Journey Women's Center — Fri, 08 Sep 2023 15:23:09 +0000

Relationships are a part of each of our lives. Whether you are in a dating or marriage relationship, both require attention and care. Relationships impact all aspects of our lives including home, work, and leisure activities as well as our mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health. They can add joy and fulfillment to our lives but can also be a source of stress.

You may be questioning whether you should be in your current relationship or if there is anything you can do to strengthen your relationship with your partner. There are countless dimensions to every relationship, but here are four essential cornerstones to every romantic, healthy relationship.

Signs of a healthy relationship

1. Respect

Couples who have respect for one another accept each other’s differences and opinions. They feel free to share thoughts and ideas knowing they will be thoughtfully received and considered. It is trusting that your partner will make choices that are uplifting to both of you.

Respect builds one another up. In a respectful, healthy relationship, daily interactions are kind, honoring, and uplifting. This does not mean that there will not be disagreements, but both parties are willing to listen and compromise equally. Are you always the one to give up on your ideas, activities, dreams, resources, or your friends? If so, the respect may be one-sided.

2. Intimacy

Intimacy is all about connection. Intimacy requires vulnerability and transparency and involves meeting one another’s physical, emotional and spiritual needs. Vulnerability is being open with the parts of yourself that you only share with your innermost circle. It means sharing parts of yourself that, if revealed, make you feel open to rejection. Maybe it’s a difficult part of your childhood that you have never shared or maybe just the willingness to try something new with your partner that you are afraid you will fail at.

Transparency is the openness and honesty in a relationship to share difficult thoughts, feelings, desires and concerns without fearing rejection or judgment. A lack of transparency can lead to confusion or mistrust. Mutual intimacy should leave both partners feeling heard, accepted, and safe. Ask yourself, is there an imbalance in my relationship? Am I walking on eggshells trying to ensure his needs are being met while mine are taking a backseat? Am I asked or forced to engage in sexual acts more or less frequently than I am comfortable with or is there mutual intimacy?

Sometimes a lapse in intimacy is a result of not understanding how your partner gives and receives love. If you feel most loved when your partner serves you by helping around the house, but your partner feels most loved when you hold hands or give him a massage, you may feel as if your partner is ignoring your needs.

Communicating your “love language” can help couples recognize and appreciate differences while being intentional to show love in the way your partner prefers to receive it.

Dr. Gary Chapman speaks of this in his book The 5 Love Languages. In his book, Chapman states, “My conclusion after many years of marriage counseling is that there are five emotional love languages—five ways that people speak and understand emotional love.” He goes on to say, “Seldom do [intimate partners] have the same primary emotional love language. We tend to speak our primary love language, and we become confused when our [partner] does not understand what we are communicating. We are expressing love, but the message does not come through because we are speaking what, to them, is a foreign language.”

3. Communication

Communication is more than just letting your partner know your schedule. It’s more than asking about their day. A healthy relationship can deepen with communication that expresses gratitude and appreciation for what you enjoy about your partner. In a healthy relationship, both partners enjoy the fruits of appreciation and the trust to bring up things that are troubling them.

As with any healthy relationship, the ability to be open and vulnerable in our communication is key. Communication is as much about listening as it is talking. Both partners should be invested and focused on the conversation as well as on their non-verbal cues.

Listening without interrupting and acknowledging how your partner feels leads to greater intimacy and trust. Ask questions and confirm what your partner is saying. Try responding with, “I hear you saying…” When your partner feels you truly understand what they are trying to communicate, they feel validated and heard. When communicating about a conflict or concern, good communication involves taking responsibility and owning one’s mistakes, avoiding becoming defensive, and seeing one another’s point of view.

4. Trust

Trust is built over time with consistency in all of these areas. It leads to further intimacy and feelings of safety between a couple. When a couple has built a partnership on trust, they are free to be their authentic selves, and one does not have “control” over another.

Do you trust your partner to accept and consider your feelings? Does your partner consider you when making decisions? Are they true to their word? Do you feel safe enough to be yourself at all times? Love is born from trust, and a relationship without it will not stand the test of time.

All relationships take work and effort, whether you have been together for two months or 20 years; however, it should involve equal effort and compromise by both partners. Each one of us brings our own habits, trauma, and family background into the relationship.

Couples should offer and accept grace as you learn together. We all have room for personal improvement, and sometimes it is easiest to see faults in those around us; however, don’t make the mistake of excusing unhealthy behaviors that are physically, emotionally or mentally damaging to you.

Without practicing these essential habits on both sides, the relationship could become cold or even toxic over time. If trust is broken, it can take time and sometimes the help of a professional to build up again. If your relationship is struggling, consider consulting with a professional counselor. Don’t be ashamed. All relationships go through stages where a reboot or outside perspective is helpful.

Lastly, be willing to listen to wise and trusted friends and family members who are willing to ask the hard questions about your relationship. Although it may feel unwanted, allowing them to point out areas of concern can help you address potential issues head-on or help you reassess the relationship as a whole.

Chapman, G. D. (2010). The 5 Love Languages. Print.

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Teen Dating Violence

Journey Women's Center — Fri, 08 Sep 2023 15:06:25 +0000

He seemed like the ideal partner early on. He was charming and handsome and quickly swept you off your feet. You spent more and more time together, which seemed romantic at first, but now it seems like you are spending all your time together. In fact, you perceive anger and annoyance in his eyes and voice when you’ve been hanging out with your friends without checking in with him.

The insults and control started subtly but have continued to intensify over time. You want this to work so badly, and he usually apologizes the next day. Sure, you had noticed some red flags, but you never imagined things would end up like this. Maybe that’s what relationships are supposed to look like, right?

What is dating violence?

A pattern of behavior used to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate, dating relationship is referred to as dating violence.1 It can happen to anyone, including teenagers. In fact, around one in three high school students report being in a dating relationship where physical violence was present, and one in twelve state they have been a victim of sexual dating violence. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that about one in four women experience intimate partner physical violence during their lifetime.2

What does a healthy relationship look like?

While not all relationships will look the same, there are some important, foundational qualities that are essential to a long, healthy relationship. Some of these include respect, mutual intimacy, open communication, and trust. All relationships take work and effort, whether you have been together for two months or 20 years; however, it should involve equal effort and compromise by both partners. Without practicing these essential habits on both sides, the relationship could become cold or even toxic over time.

Signs of an abusive dating relationship

You might be in a violent dating relationship if your partner…

Checks your phone or social media accounts without your consent
Isolates you physically, financially, or emotionally from others
Exhibits extreme jealousy or insecurity
Has explosive outbursts or mood swings
Exhibits possessive or controlling behaviors
Pressures or forces sex or sexual acts you are not comfortable with
Puts you down, especially in front of others
Has physically harmed you one or more times

The Cycle of Abuse

After an argument, violence or intimidation, a partner will often shower you with an abundance of affection and attention. They may make promises to never repeat the behavior. This is called the Cycle of Abuse.

The four stages of the cycle abuse

There are four stages: building of tension, the abuse, the reconciliation, and a period of calm.

Stage 1: Building of Tension

During the first stage, the abuser may become angry or paranoid, causing you to become anxious and guarded.

Stage 2: the Abuse

Next, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse begins. It may look like emotional manipulation, violence, attempts to control, threats, or name calling. Victims often choose to stay with their abusers because of the next stage: reconciliation or “honeymoon phase.”

Stage 3: the Reconciliation

Gifts are given and promises are made to never commit the abuse again; and this results in the hope that this time is the last time.

Stage 4: Period of Calm

Lastly, comes the “calm” phase, but it is during this phase that the abuser justifies their behaviors, often denying or minimizing what actually happened or placing the blame one someone or something else. Unfortunately, the dangerous cycle continues and it can become harder and harder to exit the relationship.3

The aftermath does not affect just the relationship itself. Victims are more likely to exhibit depression and anxiety symptoms, consider suicide, develop sleep problems, and engage in unhealthy behaviors such as drugs and alcohol use.

What can I do?

Acknowledging and taking steps to address teen dating violence is difficult. Begin by believing that you deserve to be in a healthy relationship. Know that your personal safety should be your first priority! And not just physical safety, but your emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being as well. One is not more important than the others.

If you feel that you are in a violent dating relationship, reach out for help. Begin by telling a close friend, family member, counselor, or pastor. For immediate help, call the National Dating Abuse Helpline at 1.866.331.9474 or your local police department.

What if I’m pregnant?

If you have experienced an unplanned pregnancy as a result of being in a violent dating relationship, there is help available. Pregnancy Centers provide compassionate and confidential care. We can confirm whether you have a viable pregnancy and walk with you while you discuss your options. We also provide on-going practical and emotional support and can connect you to the resources and services that you need. You are not alone. 580.234.5660

1 Types of Abuse. National Domestic Violence Hotline (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.thehotline.org/resources/types-of-abuse/

2 Fast Facts: Preventing Intimate Partner Violence. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2022, October 11). https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/fastfact.html

3 Makin, Sara. 4 Stages in the Cycle of Abuse and How To Heal. (2021, April 26). https://www.makinwellness.com/cycle-of-abuse/

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Are Pregnancy Resource Centers Fake Clinics?

Journey Women's Center — Fri, 08 Sep 2023 14:25:30 +0000

Sometimes, it’s hard to know what is true, especially when there is conflicting information coming from sources you trust. And while we can’t speak for every Pregnancy Resource Center, Journey Women’s Center is passionate about serving the needs of women who may be facing an unplanned pregnancy.

Are Pregnancy Resource Centers fake clinics?

Let’s debunk a few myths:

MYTH: “Pregnancy resource centers are fake clinics and have no medical staff.”

TRUTH: Journey Women’s Center employs medical staff and provides care under the supervision of a Medical Director. All medical decisions, medical practices and standard of care are determined by the Medical Director, a licensed OB/GYN doctor from the community. Clients can meet with a Registered Nurse during Center hours. View all available free services here.

The Nurse provides pregnancy testing (urine test), answers questions, and provides education about pregnancy options and precautions, such as miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy. Limited OB ultrasounds are performed by a licensed RMDS-certified sonographer and are each reviewed by the Medical Director.

MYTH: “Pregnancy resource centers just want to preach at you.”

TRUTH: Journey Women’s Center provides permission-based care; clients are treated with respect. Our staff and volunteers ask permission before discussing topics with clients, whether that is providing education about abortion procedures or talking about spiritual things. Journey Women’s Center is committed to treating people with respect and compassion, regardless of their own personal beliefs or church affiliations. Our clients can confirm that the staff go above and beyond to make everyone feel seen, heard, and loved. Read client stories here.

The staff and volunteers serve the needs of their clients, right where they are, helping to connect them with the practical and emotional help they need to move forward in life.

MYTH: “Pregnancy Resource Centers only want to save babies and don’t care about women.”

TRUTH: Journey Women’s Center understands and respects the women’s right to make her own choice. We offer abortion education and counseling regardless of the woman’s decision to abort or not, and offers on-going practical and emotional support. Check out our post-abortion support group.

This also includes the decision to carry their baby to term or choose an adoption plan. Journey Women’s Center offers help to vulnerable women to include assistance with housing, medical care, parenting support groups and counseling. Check out our community services page for a list of housing and other services. We see the mother and baby as a whole and are equally concerned about the mothers’ needs being met.

MYTH: “Pregnancy resource centers don’t have to follow HIPAA and therefore all your information will be made public.

TRUTH: Journey Women’s Center chooses to follow HIPAA guidelines. Staff and volunteers are required to sign a Confidentiality Agreement and licensed staff must always comply with HIPAA or risk losing their medical licenses. All information is kept confidential, except in cases where reporting laws apply or if someone is believed to be in danger of hurting themselves or someone else. We do not disclose any personal information to parents, friends, or partners, without written permission from the client.

MYTH: “Pregnancy Resource Centers judge you based on your decision…or situation, sexual identity, beliefs…”

TRUTH: We each have a story. Our life stories are filled with mistakes, difficult decisions, and heartache. Our stories have deep wounds from past abuse, abortion, broken families, broken marriages, single parenting, financial struggles, and loss. It is not our place to stand in judgement of someone else’s story. It is our firm belief that God—who made us for a purpose and who loves us more than we can imagine, has the power to take the shattered pieces of our story and weave together a beautiful story filled with hope, love, redemption, joy, and community. Journey Women’s Center staff and volunteers do not discriminate based on race, sex, gender, or for any reason, but treats everyone with compassion and kindness.

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5 Ways to Create a Meaningful Christmas on a Budget

Journey Women's Center — Wed, 06 Sep 2023 20:12:10 +0000

In this economy, many families are feeling the strain of debt and financial demands. After job loss or lay-offs and with rising costs, it might be overwhelming to even think about how to plan ahead for this holiday season.

If you are feeling discouraged or worried about how sparse it might be under the tree this year, you’re not alone. Every parent wants so badly to provide for their kids, show them love, and bring smiles to their faces with the joy and surprise of Christmas.

For those who can’t afford it, feelings of guilt and embarrassment are hard to shake, even though their financial situation is not their fault. These emotions are normal and it’s important to acknowledge them. But the reality of the checking account balance, doesn’t change the fact that it is still possible to have a JOYFUL Christmas that’s simple and cost-effective. Here are five ideas to make this Christmas a meaningful one.

5 ideas to make this Christmas meaningful on a budget

1. Spend money on meaningful moments and making memories.

Creating memories doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. Decide ahead of time what you can spend. Include your kids and work together as a family to create a Christmas “bucket list”.

Think back to some of your favorite childhood memories. Plan a family “sleep-over” complete with hot cocoa and popcorn, movie, and sleeping all together in the living room. Tell stories by candlelight. Drive around town to look at lights and decorations and crank the Christmas music loud.

Plan a Christmas “scavenger hunt” and see how many things you can find: Santa, snowman, Christmas wreath, nativity scene, Christmas tree. Decorate sugar cookies! Buy the dough. If you don’t have cookie cutters, the kids can roll it out with a cup, or shape their own design. Frosting is easy to make with powdered sugar mixed, a little milk, melted butter, and food coloring. Mini-marshmallows and candies are great for decorating, or grab some sprinkles in the baking aisle. The moments you spend as a family are often more precious and long-lasting than anything you could buy.

Our kids have vivid memories of the Christmas we drove on icy roads to eat lunch and see a movie together. There wasn’t much under the tree, but the memories of laughing and a family trip “skating” across the parking lot have stayed with them longer than the gifts we gave that year.

2. Swap names and exchange gifts

Christmas is not just about getting, it’s about giving, so give your kids the gift of generosity. Exchanging names, even within immediate family members, can create excitement and is a great learning opportunity.

This is a perfect activity for kids in grade school or older, and the lessons they learn are valuable. Kids learn what things actually cost and how to shop within a budget, as they create their own “wish list” and shop for their parent or sibling. They also learn the sacrifice and joy of giving.

We all tend to be selfish by nature. It takes some work to move away from being self-consumed and think about others instead. It takes sacrifice to let go of the money in our hands and spend it on someone else. But watch their face as they hand that present over to be opened. The smile that grows reveals the anticipation and pride within. They are learning that the joy of giving outweighs the sacrifice it took.

3. Simplify. Sometimes less is more

It’s easy to feel the pressure of “more is better” or less is “not enough”. But gifts don’t have to be expensive to be meaningful. Thrift store, dollar store, and hand-me-down gifts are still special, regardless of the price tag or whether they’re name brand. Home-made gifts carry significance simply for the love and time poured into making them.

When our kids were young, there were several years that we struggled to make ends meet. The gifts we could afford were simple and few. And for many years our kids each got three gifts—something to wear, something to read, and something to do or play with. The kids have admitted to feeling embarrassed when they compared their Christmas to classmates who received more, but those feelings didn’t create resentment. And as they grew, they understood that these simple Christmases were a necessity, and they also learned to appreciate what they were given. Some of our favorite Christmas memories came from the joy from a hand-me-down dollhouse, the laughter of a thrifted “Dirty Santa” gift exchange, and the love of a home-made tray-table.

4. Serve and share with those in need

One of the best ways to grow gratitude is to step outside our own struggles and serve others. Whether donating items to a local food distribution center, filling a neighborhood free pantry, volunteering to serve a community meal, helping out at a homeless shelter, or making Christmas cards for Nursing home residents, giving your kids an opportunity to serve others helps to shape their view of the world. They experience the positive impact of a meal and a smile, and learn that helping others feels good. They gain the chance to grow in compassion as they meet people who are struggling and facing difficult circumstances.

It’s not always easy to get kids excited about serving others because it means stepping outside their comfort zones and facing the fear of doing something new. Don’t be discouraged if your kids aren’t too crazy about the idea. View this opportunity as a learning experience and trust that they might just come around after seeing the impact that service can have, on themselves and on others.

If you’ve got really young kids, remember that you don’t have to go outside to share with others; invite friends into your home! Showing hospitality and sharing a meal doesn’t have to be fancy. Macaroni and cheese, hotdogs, and pizza are all inexpensive options, but great crowd pleasers. By inviting people into your home, your family is creating memories and building community. It’s never about what you have to give, but your willingness to share what you have with others.

5. Savor gratitude and spread joy

Creating space for meaningful moments during the hustle and bustle of the holidays can be challenging. It takes intentionality to shift the focus from consumerism to contentment. One simple step is to count gifts—the kind that aren’t usually found under the tree. As a family, take time to list what gifts you already have. (You could even make tags to hang on the tree as reminders.) There are so many things in our homes and in our culture that we take for granted, things that many around the world would love to have. We forget to be thankful for the clean, running water that comes from our faucets because we have never walked miles for fresh water. We forget that we live in a country where all children have access to education, regardless of their gender. We forget how fortunate we are to have a roof over our heads, beds to sleep in, food in our pantries and fridges, and warm clothes to wear. Not everyone has these luxuries.

As we savor gratitude for the things we have, there is also an opportunity to expose our kids to other cultures and grow their compassion for children (just like them) who are living in poverty. There are many wonderful organizations that highlight the needs worldwide, such as World Vision, Samaritan’s Purse, Preemptive Love, Mercy House Global, Compassion International, and many others. Many of these organizations have gift catalogs where items purchased provide for children’s tangible needs for health, safety, housing, food, or education. Some organizations sell fair-trade items that can be given as gifts; these items provide dignified jobs and the proceeds from sales go directly to helping families in poverty.

What makes Christmas meaningful?

The real joy of Christmas isn’t found in the gifts under the tree. Instead, it’s found in the moments you spend as a family, through sacrificial giving, as you step outside your own struggles and serve others. It’s never about what you have to give, but your willingness to share what you have with others. And it’s worth the intentionality it takes to shift your focus from consumerism to contentment. May we each find that JOY this year.

The post 5 Ways to Create a Meaningful Christmas on a Budget appeared first on Journey Women's Center | Enid, OK.

What Is Sexual Coercion? (Examples, Warning Signs, And What You Can Do About It)

Journey Women's Center — Wed, 06 Sep 2023 20:05:09 +0000

We have all been in situations when we felt pressured to say “yes” to something we really wanted to say “no”. But having to endure a socially awkward situation is way different than waking up to the uneasy feeling that you went along with physical or sexual contact you didn’t really want but felt pressured into.

The heaviness in your gut is telling you that what happened is not okay. Whether you went along with it because you didn’t want to risk hurting their feelings or make them mad, whether you felt obligated, or whether you were afraid of what would happen if you didn’t, feeling pressured to engage in a sexual act is sexual coercion.

Sexual coercion is not your fault

If you felt pressured, tricked, manipulated, or threatened by someone else to do something physically or sexually that you didn’t want, weren’t comfortable with, or flat-out refused, that is sexual coercion. And sexual coercion doesn’t just involve sex. Any kind of unwanted physical contact—touching, kissing, fondling, etc.—when you have refused or reluctantly conceded, is still sexual coercion.

“True consent is given voluntarily.”1

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have given consent.

Sometimes, when you’re in a relationship with someone, whether you’re dating or married, you want to please your partner and make them happy. There are a lot of scenarios where this is completely fine, but if you’re not free to say “no” to engaging in something physically or sexually without punishment from your partner, this is sexual coercion and it’s not okay. You should be able to communicate what you’re comfortable with. Your partner should be able to accept your “no” and respectfully dial it back, without pressuring you further. If you have noticed a pattern of coercion and you feel safe, talk to your partner about it. Tell them how their attempts to pressure you make you feel. Explain that the relationship can only continue if they can respect your boundaries.

No one has the right to exert power or control over you. While sexual coercion most often happens between people in relationships, the truth is that it can come from anyone—acquaintances, friends, co-workers, bosses, teachers, or landlords. And when drugs or alcohol are involved, you might feel like it’s your fault because you participated in the activity. But if someone is using drugs or alcohol as a way to lower your inhibitions or impair your ability to make decisions, this is sexual coercion.

Examples of Sexual Coercion
Sexual coercion may look or sound like:

• They make you feel guilty, or obligated to have sex with them, after you have already turned them down. “If you really loved me, you’d have sex with me.”
• They make you feel like it’s your fault. “You look so hot; I can’t keep my hands off you.”
• They make you feel bad, like something is wrong with you, for rejecting their advances. “Don’t be such a prude.”
• They pull away, withdraw, or give you the “silent treatment” as a way to punish you or make you change your mind.
• They say “it’s fine”, but show anger or agitation through their body language—crying, loud sighs, stomping away, slamming doors.
• They make you feel like it’s too late to stop. “You’ve already got me all worked up and now you don’t want to?”
• They offer you a reward if you will have sex with them. “I have a lot of connections that could help you if…”
• They threaten to lie or spread rumors about you. “Everyone already thinks we have, so we might as well.” or “I’ll just tell everyone we did it anyway…”
• They threaten to hurt you or someone close to you. “If you don’t, then I will…”
• They threaten to cheat or break up with you.
• They threaten your employment or housing status if you refuse them.

How to Handle Sexual Coercion

What happened to you is not your fault. Often when sexual coercion happens, you might feel powerless to stop it from happening again. And you might struggle with shame or feelings of guilt because you weren’t able to prevent it from happening in the first place.

There might be some situations where you can stick to your “no” and walk away and act—tell someone, make a formal complaint, or even press charges. But sometimes you’re stuck in a situation and you’re not sure how to get out. Sexual coercion is assault, which is a crime.

There are laws in place to protect you, and you weren’t meant to deal with this alone. Reach out for help. Start by telling someone—a close friend, trusted family member, counselor, or pastor. For immediate help, contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673) or your local police department.

You are worthy of kindness, compassion, and support. If you have been the victim of sexual coercion, there is help for you. You are not alone.

1Raypole, C. (2020, December 1). How do you know if you were sexually coerced? Healthline. Retrieved September 28, 2021, from https://www.healthline.com/health/sexual-coercion.

The post What Is Sexual Coercion? (Examples, Warning Signs, And What You Can Do About It) appeared first on Journey Women's Center | Enid, OK.

How to know if he is abusive and what you can do about it

Journey Women's Center — Wed, 06 Sep 2023 19:05:35 +0000

You thought you finally met Prince Charming. But now you’re a few months in and are wondering, “What happened?” You’re starting to feel like everything you do is wrong and you can’t quite figure out why you make him so angry. Your relationship seemed perfect in the beginning, but now…you’re left feeling confused and unsure.

Whether you’re dating, in between relationships, or just getting to know someone, it’s important to be aware of the early warning signs of abuse. All relationships have problems and all couples have conflicts, miscommunication, and disagreements. That’s normal. It’s important to know the difference between healthy conflict and unhealthy manipulation tactics or abusive behavior. Here are a five important questions to ask yourself about the relationship:

5 signs of abuse in a relationship

Here are a five important questions to ask yourself about the relationship:

1. Is he self-centered?

Do you notice that he tends to monopolize the conversation? Or does he listen with interest to your thoughts and stories? Self-centeredness may seem like a small thing at first, but it is an indication of the underlying belief of entitlement, a belief that he is better and has more “rights” than you. So, while it may look like he talks to much, or talks about himself too much, underneath is the belief that what he thinks and has to say is more important than anything you could contribute to the conversation.

2. Is he controlling?

Is he possessive of your time? Does he encourage you to spend time with your friends? Or does it seem that he tries to limit your time apart from him? Does he make all of the decisions in the relationship—where to grab dinner, what movie to watch, how to spend your time together?

Controlling behavior starts in small and often insignificant ways, but soon you notice that he’s giving you suggestions on how to dress or what to eat, talking negatively about your friends or family members and isolating you by discouraging you from spending time with them, or getting irritated when you don’t go along with what he thinks you should do.

If your husband, boyfriend, or partner is becoming increasingly jealous, if you are having to constantly reassure him of your commitment, if he is suddenly distrustful of you (for no reason) or tracking your movements, these are controlling behaviors and a clear sign that he is attempting to gain ownership of you. That’s not love.

“Jealous behavior is one of the surest signs that abuse is down the road. Possessiveness masquerades as love.”¹

3. Can I have my own thoughts and opinions?

Miscommunications and misunderstandings can happen often, especially early in relationships. As couples get to know one another, they may find they don’t always agree. But the test of a healthy relationship is the ability to navigate disagreements with kindness and mutual respect. Are you allowed to have your own thoughts and opinions? Or does he punish you if you do not agree with him completely?

In healthy relationships, partners are not threatened by differences, but are capable of listening and are willing accept the other’s viewpoints, even when they disagree. They are capable of taking responsibility for their part in the breakdown of communication or the ways that they were hurtful and apologize for what they did wrong. When arguments happen, is he willing to admit when he’s been wrong and apologize? Or does the full weight of blame lie solely on you? Do you find that you’re expected to apologize when you’ve disagreed with his opinion or viewpoint? Do you have to apologize when you’ve done nothing wrong?

4. How does he talk about his past relationships?

This ties into the previous question and provide insight in how conflict was resolved in his past relationship. Granted, couples break up for many reasons and it’s natural to defend your side of the story, but listen carefully to how he talks about his past partners. Does he take responsibility for his actions or for his part in the breakdown of past relationships? Or does he blame others?

Be especially cautious if he says that a past wife or girlfriend accused him of abuse. (Though you may believe it is a false claim, it’s important to get her side of the story, as it might just save you from being his next victim.)

5. Does he respect me?

Does he treat me with kindness? Is the way he treats me in public the same as how he treats me in private? Real men treat women with respect, both in public and in private.

• How does he treat you in social settings?
• Is he rude toward you or does he belittle you in front of other people?
• Is he demeaning?
• Does he pressure you for sex?
• Does he ask you to do things you’re not comfortable doing?
• Or does he love and respect you enough to move at a slower pace in your physical (sexual) relationship?

“Disrespect is the soil in which abuse grows.”¹

Early warning signs of abuse

There are other early warning signs of abuse, such as drug and alcohol use, physical or verbal intimidation, anger outbursts, and isolation. If you are in a new relationship and are unsure whether your partner is just being selfish or showing signs of abuse, there are a few things you can do to determine whether the relationship can move forward in a healthy way.

Address the attitude or behavior that is unacceptable to you. Name the behavior that is unacceptable and explain why, if necessary. Pay attention to his reaction. “You disrespected me in front of my friends when you said I didn’t know because I hadn’t finished college.”

If it happens again, stop seeing him. This is a boundary. You may choose to stop seeing him for a period of time, but by doing this you are saying, “I will not allow you to treat me in this way.” Again, pay close attention to his reaction and subsequent behavior. If you keep seeing him with the warning, “I mean it this time.” He will not take you seriously.

If it happens a third time, it’s time to move on. Chances are what seemed like a “fairytale” was, in fact, just that. You are worth being treated with love and respect. Don’t believe that you will somehow be able to help him change his ways.

How to get out of an abusive relationship

If you find that you are trapped in a relationship that is becoming increasingly abusive, please contact OK Safeline: (800) 522-SAFE (7233) or the National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-SAFE (7233) www.thehotline.org. You can also contact Journey Women’s Center. Our services are confidential and we will get you connected to the help you need.

¹Bancroft, L. (2002). Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. New York, NY: Berkley.

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