Pregnancy and infant loss. It’s a strange phrase to hear, much less try to explain. Pregnancy is generally thought of as a time of joy and the promise of new life. Unfortunately for some, the journey to parenthood is tainted with heartbreak as they experience the pain of pregnancy loss or the death of an infant.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss – What Is It?

Pregnancy and infant loss refers to the loss of an expected life during pregnancy or infancy.

This will look differently in each situation. Maybe it’s a mother who carries a baby almost to term and has to deliver a stillborn infant. Or how about the mother who has a successful delivery but her child dies within a few weeks or days of starting their little life. Then there’s the mother who never gets to meet her baby because she has a miscarriage within the first weeks of her pregnancy.

In the United States, one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage, and infant mortality is at a rate of 4.9/1000.

All of these experiences can leave deep emotional scars.

Grieving the Unthinkable

Reflecting on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness we’re reminded grief holds a certain element of uncertainty with a wide range of thoughts and emotions, and the real possibility of experiencing different ends of the spectrum in the same day, or even the same moment.

We all process grief differently. What may trigger one may comfort another. For some, naming their baby, honoring their baby with a memorial service or a special keepsake of remembrance can be comforting, For some, an annual time of honor for their baby is comforting, but to others the reminder may be too painful. As we prepare for our Christmas celebrations just a few weeks from now, we acknowledge those who are suffering painful loss, those who are pondering how this joyous season would look and feel different with their precious child in their arms.

Grief following pregnancy or infant loss can manifest in many ways. For some, it’s a quiet and internalized sorrow; for others, it’s loud and outwardly expressed. Parents may feel a range of emotions, including: Shock and Disbelief, Sadness and Despair, Anger and Frustration, Guilt and Self-Blame, Isolation and Loneliness.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss: You Are Not Alone

Writing this blog, I am reminded of my own journey through pregnancy and infant loss.

Becoming pregnant was not easy for my husband and I. We tried for what seemed like forever before we had our first son. My husband and I never tried fertility treatments or anything like that, leaving our children in God’s hands. We were elated when our son was born and he was absolutely perfect!

 Less than 2 years later, I was pregnant again! We were so excited, but within the first month, I had a miscarriage and lost the baby. 

Grief set in and I didn’t want to do anything. There was a few times I had to make myself take care of my child. I felt like I was alone, even though my amazingly supportive husband was there every step of the way. I felt broken. I felt like I couldn’t share with others because they wouldn’t understand and it was early enough that we hadn’t really told many people. 

Life went on and a couple years after that, I was pregnant again. This brought on a whole new set of emotions. The joy and excitement we had with our first pregnancy was replaced with uncertainty. We were nervous, even a little scared that this pregnancy might end as quickly as the last one had. I walked on eggshells.

Unfortunately, this pregnancy also ended in miscarriage, around 8 or 9 weeks in. All the previous emotions came flooding back. This miscarriage was a longer process, and I even went to the emergency room once to make sure what I was experiencing physically was normal, and it was.

To say children didn’t come easy to us was an understatement. Despite our losses, we eventually started trying to conceive again. After trying for what seemed like forever, again, we eventually decided God wasn’t ready to give us another biological child, As difficult as it was, we made peace with that.

A Beautiful Surprise!

During the early stages of our adoption investigation, we found out we were pregnant with our daughter. There were so many different emotions we had to process. Excitement and fear were both on the list. We honestly didn’t know how to feel.

As with the last pregnancy, we walked on eggshells. We shared our news with a select few, our support system. The ones we could rely on for support and encouragement. Once we made it through the first trimester with nothing but good news, we breathed a little easier, but were still cautious. We didn’t share our news with the whole world until we had our big ultrasound around 20 weeks. Every day that went by, every good report from the doctor was a breath of fresh air. 

My daughter was a beautifully healthy baby! After our pregnancy struggles, we threw caution to the wind and were wonderfully surprised with our youngest son, born almost exactly 2 years later!

Finding Support – The Importance of Community

While there is no way to “fix” the grief of pregnancy or infant loss, there are steps that parents can take to cope with the pain and begin the healing process:

Seek Support

Grieving can be incredibly isolating, but reaching out to others can help. Whether it’s talking to a therapist, joining a support group, or confiding in friends and family, support is essential. Talking with others who have experienced similar losses can be especially comforting, as they understand the depth of the pain.

Give Yourself Time

Grief doesn’t have a set timeline, and it can ebb and flow. It’s important to be patient with yourself and acknowledge that healing takes time. Allow yourself to grieve without feeling pressured to “move on” or “get over it.”

Be Open About Your Emotions

Suppressing grief can lead to long-term emotional difficulties. It’s okay to cry, to feel angry, or to experience moments of joy without guilt. Being honest with yourself about your emotions can aid in processing your pain.

Moving Forward: Hope Amidst the Heartache

While the pain of pregnancy and infant loss may never fully disappear, with time, many parents begin to find ways to move forward. The journey toward healing is complex and may involve seeking professional help, joining support groups, or finding other outlets for their grief. It’s crucial to remember that healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means finding a way to live with the loss, honoring the memory, and still allowing room for hope, love, and future joy.

For many parents, the experience of loss leads to a greater appreciation for the fragility of life and a renewed sense of connection with those around them. Though the grief may never fully fade, the process of healing can open up a new chapter—one that includes both the pain of loss and the beauty of resilience.

Raising Awareness

Pregnancy and infant loss are topics that too often remain shrouded in silence. By raising awareness, we can reduce the stigma surrounding these losses and create a space for grieving parents to feel heard and supported. Talking openly about miscarriage, stillbirth, and the death of an infant helps to normalize the experience and provides others with the courage to share their own stories.

If you’ve experienced pregnancy or infant loss, know that you are not alone. Your grief is valid, and your child’s life mattered. Surround yourself with supportive people who acknowledge your pain and offer compassion, and remember that there is no timeline for healing—only a path forward, one step at a time.

At Journey Women’s Center we offer pregnancy and infant loss support. We listen to your story, honor your baby, and provide resources to support you as you walk this journey.